Banjaxed Funny Status Messages

   I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl...and I kept saying to myself "Don't get an erection , Don't get an erection"....But she did

   Great news for YOU , I found a prostitute that charges by the inch, I obviusly can't afford her but I figured I'd pass it onto you so you could enjoy a cheap night out

   I think the first time I realized I was dyslexic was when I went to a Toga party dressed as a goat

   Ohhhhhh , when your's down near the sea and an eel bites your knee....Thats a MORAY

   I just bought a Dyson ball cleaner.......I should read the intructions because I'm pretty sure I'm not usng it properly

   The closest I come to cooking with gas is when I break wind while frying a steak

   Please do not open any messages from me that are entitled "Do not open , This is a virus which will destroy your hard drive then come to your house and donkey punch you in the back of the head"

   Apple Maps projects Obama to win Paraguay

   lindsay Lohan and Charle Sheen have signed for a new sit com called 2 and 1/2 grams

   My wife and I do it Doggy Style , I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead

   Good Morning , I see the assassins have failed

   me and the wife do it doggy style , I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead

   I have SEXDAILY......I mean DYSLEXIA

   was going to go to Walmart today but my tie dyed t-shirt and my sweatpants with whole in the arse of em were in the wash, besides , I had a haircut yesteday and it's neat and tidy , I just wouldn't have fit in

   driving and texting on his new cell pho......sweet merciful Jesus , He's heading right toward us .....freaking maniac

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   I just walked up to a guuy with an eye patch and asked him was it really fun and games at that point

   She's been pounded more times than Johnny Bench's catchers mitt

   Just wrote a new song "I Can't Get Over a Girl Like You So Get Up and Answer The Phone Yourself"

   somedays it hardly seems worth it to chew through the leather straps