Mr Craig Funny Status Messages

   A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain

   Gravity, is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Magnetism , Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

   "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed."

   I think its my mom's birthday. I should unblock her on facebook and check.

   "A minute can seem such a long time . . . depending on which side of the bathroom door your on :)

   Gotta [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to make you Holler

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Hot!!

   ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

   Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then-we elected them.

   Does power cleaning the whole house in 6 hours qualify for a medal in the Olympics today? just askin'....

   Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything

   I've got a brand new attitude, and I'm gonna wear it tonight

   Breaking News: 36% of Witches are indicating it is cold out.....

   believes walking like George Jefferson will burn 1000 calories a day

   It's not an old movie if you haven't seen it.

   *Alarm Clock* (n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.

   do you realize that a fine is a tax for doing wrong and a tax is a fine for doing well?

   Don't worry if you think you're crazy, even the tall oak trees were once nuts.

   your eye's sparkle like a bass boat in the sunshine.....

   LENO GIVER - When someone retires from a legendary television franchise, passes the torch to a worthy successor. Then he gets bored and starts a new show which stinks and then asks for their old job back by firing the successor." He's a leno giver"