JEBI Funny Status Messages

   The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...

   It should really be called 'teethpaste'

   I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

   MTV has named Miley Cyrus the best artist of 2013. Kinda fitting I guess, since MTV has no idea what music is anymore...

   I haven't been able to stop crying since that stranger on the internet said that they didn't like me...

   I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute...

   After sex, I like to cuddle up to her, wrap my arm around her, brush her hair and whisper: "Welcome to rock bottom."

   I've reached an age in my life where "you shouldn't say that.." turns into "what the hell, let's see what happens..."

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan....

   I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat...

   I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"...

   I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?

   Friends don't let friends make 'Harlem Shake' videos...

   John Denver's “Rocky Mountain High” the new official song for the state of Colorado...

   I'd make more Broncos jokes, but I don't want to beat a dead horse...

   I've single handedly defeated my erection...

   Found out today that midgets dont like being called midgets....AND they really dont like being called people McNuggets...

   There... crazy glued quarters to the ground in front of the vending machine at work...let the fun begin....

   If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...

   My friend said to me, "you should start drinking Ensure" and I said, "if I'm going replace a meal with a beverage its going to be beer..."