SULLY Funny Status Messages

   NO, I'm not drinking alone. I'm here with all of my Facebook friends! That counts.....Yes it does!!

   I think my wife is mad at me...... so when she walks by, I do what any man would do in this situation: I PLAY DEAD!!!

   The best part about babysitting the grandkids..... Being able to drink on the job!!

   We all should pee slow and sporadic tonight in honor of Dick Trickle.... RIP

   If you had told me 30 years ago that I'd be talking to strangers on the Internet all day, I woulda told you to shut up and pack another bowl....

   Breaking: President Obama says his favorite musical group is Scandal

   I want you all to know, if I win the Powerball tonight.... I'm still going to show up to Facebook tomorrow.

   Angelina Jolie getting a double mastectomy to reduce the risk of breast cancer is like me cutting my junk off because I might bet blue balls

   Summary: IRS sorry about abusing govt power, now register your guns you paranoid freaks.

   FYI - Police say Boston Marathon bomber has been buried in undisclosed location. Hopefully wrapped in bacon with a Bible on his chest...

   I say we bury Boston bomber, Tamerlan Tsarnaev's body at Westboro Baptist Church....

   I came out of the closet while getting dressed this morning, yet, no news story....

   Somewhere, skeletons and secret gays are fighting over closet space...

   Just saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?

   Okay, Earth Day is over, we can start f**king up the planet again........

   FYI - All backpacks are suspicious. Carry your $hit in your hands...

   And there are some that say I don't need an AR-15 and 30 round mags. Yeah right....

   My brain during the day: I need a nap.... My brain at night: I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here & allowed us to sustain human life....

   I'd like to Jack Bauer this alleged Saudi suspect....

   Maybe we should just crop dust North Korea with Chronic Smoke! Just calm that whole area down a bit! I'm sure Colorado could support the mission......