SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   If you want to find a missing person, put their pictures on cigarettes. Smokers are the only ones standing outside in all kinds of weather.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

   I thank, therefore you're welcome.

   The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.

   Tired apostrophes risk falling into a comma.

   Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.

   I don't care how healthy you say it is, a shot of wheatgrass is what giving Swamp Thing a bl*wjob would taste like.

   You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.

   The NFL post game show is the male version of The View.

   "Surprise, surprise, surprise!" - Gomer Pyle, World's Worst Ninja

   I hate people who speak for other people, and so do you.

   What are you doing here? Was there a jailbreak at the zoo?

   Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

   Freud said "Love & work are the cornerstones of our humaness." I say it's love and that show "Pawn Stars".

   When a girl says, "Whatever you want, I don't care," she means, "Pick something that I want or I will cut you."

   I can honestly say LinkedIn is the sh!ttiest dating site I have ever signed up for. All anyone ever wants to talk about is work.

   Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining.

   You know what my problem is? People telling me what my problem is.

   Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better

   There would be a lot less entering of "Do not enter" areas if they didn't have a "Do not enter" sign.