SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   *Food hits ground* Germ: “GET IT!!!” King germ: “No, you have to wait at least 5 seconds!”

   Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.

   Facebook is like a relationship, once you think you have it all figured out, everything changes.

   I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.

   I'm a very persuasive person. I can convince myself of anything.

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs.

   I'm A Smart Person….I just do stupid things.

   Some watch football for the game. Some watch it so the commercials will let them know what questions to ask their doctor.

   I say they give all politicains the Federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour....See how fast things change then!!!!

   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

   I still don't know why they call it Virgin Atlantic. My plane was full of skanks who wouldn't take no for an answer!

   Congrats on ur Bar Mitzvah. Today you r a man, which you'll now illustrate by going apes*** over presents.

   Got held up at customs again. Think it might be because of my rock look.

   Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.

   I don't drink to forget, I… what was I saying?

   I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."

   When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor's trash so you don't get robbed.

   RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.

   Well if you have no intention of getting married, Reverend, it's not really Pre-Marital sex, is it?

   A "single serving" is as much as I decide to eat in one sitting and I dare you to tell me otherwise.