Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I am still disappointed that I was not nominated for a BET award.

   Its up to you if you want to sneak your IPod into a meeting. Just don't do an air drum solo. It gives you away.

   85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?

   There's not many things more awkward than telling a guy with a rebel flag t-shirt you're from Gettysburg, Pa

   Its impossible to say the word "ironic" without some idiot saying "don't ya think"...Thanks a lot Alanis Morissette

   I have an irrational fear of parking by a dumpster at night because I think a gorilla will jump out of it.

   If I were a Miss USA contestant, my go-to answer in the Q&A segment would be "Who cares? Did you see my rack and smile combo?"

   When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there

   If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you my friend have no soul!

   I question the marketing department at car dealerships. Does anyone drive by and say "Look balloons! I gotta buy a car!"

   Rihanna sings about how chains and whips excite her. I wonder if her ancestors felt the same way!

   My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else

   The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole

   Today the glass is half full but I don't trust the water is filtered, the glass looks dirty & the person that served me has an open wound on their serving hand

   After years of frowning at us and shaking their heads disapprovingly,we find out that the sanctimonious "goody two shoes" Canadians are bad losers. I feel better about myself.

   the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation

   Not sure what's harder to believe the Canucks losing a game they invented, or that Honda thinks Zombies will help sell cars

   Good lord I'd hate to see what Canadians do if they lose in curling!

   When at a meeting when the boss says "anyone have any suggestions?" Don't say "inappropriate touch Tuesday"...trust me