Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I eat alot of king sized candy bars. Not because I like alot of candy, but because I'm of a royalty.

   Since this is the last time for the space shuttle, I think we should all dress up as extras from Planet of the Apes when they land

   Watching a Travel Channel show on ghosts. I don't buy the Massachusetts ghost in the red flannel shirt. Thats a meth addict, not a ghost.

   I saw a faded sign at the sign of the road. However there was no mention of a love shack.

   We need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts

   NAACP blasts CNN for its lack of diversity in prime time. Strangely silent on MSNBC wonderbread lineup.

   Naming a male baby is rarely easy. Go with a cool name, like Nosferatu.

   Natalie Portman has named her newborn son Alef. Like the kid wasn't going to get beaten up enough for mom helping to ruin Star Wars.

   The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.

   Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?

   I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.

   Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie

   People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.

   the next person that tells me they have a 3 day weekend is getting a firework shoved up their poop shoot!

   if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!

   I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort.

   Shia LaBeouf has every vowel in his name, which might be the most interesting thing about him.

   There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

   After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

   Kanye West leaned back in his chair, stroking his Persian cat. His scheme to become the biggest douche in the world was coming to fruition.