JAB Funny Status Messages

   She wants to go steady she says, it will be great she said. Until she said, tell me your pass words. Over my dead body I said. . .

   Can someone please post a picture of your breakfast for me.. to encourage me to get to make my own. . .

   Once upon a time there were three little pigs at a pig roast, end of story. . .

   I'm beginning to think my type is just a font. . .

   In the news today Amanda Bynes got a haircut. Why is this news, who the f#uck is she and who the f#ck cares. . .

   If we had to pay for internet ink. Facebook wouldn't exist.

   Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily ever after. . .

   The two best days of my life was when I got engaged and the day we broke it off. . .

   The smartest thing I never did, was get married. . .

   If there's a woman out there who wants to $exually harass me, let me know.. I will message you my cell # . . .

   Does anyone know if oral $ex is Gluten free. Asking for a friend. . .

   I used to be f#cking stupid, but her and I broke up about 10 years ago. . .

   The definition of Vegetarian is an Indian word for bad hunter. . .

   Am I the only one who gets disappointed pulling up next to a Kia Soul and there isn't a hamster driving it. . .

   Alcohol and denial are cheaper than therapy. . .

   My New Years resolution is to never make New Years resolutions!

   If $ex is a pain in the a$$ you're doing it wrong, that's not what that hole is for. . .

   What's the shelf life of an Elf on a shelf ?

   To any American who wants a better life, leave the country, denounce your US citizenship and come back as an illegal immigrant. . .

   Don't take life laying down. That is, unless you're a prostitute. . .