Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Someone has stolen my wife's knickers off the washing line.............. They can keep the knickers but, please, bring back the 28 pegs.

   Oh, you hate drama? Please continue to dramatically complain about it.

   You don't have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.

   People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.

   Marriage is the opposite of prison; the better you behave, the longer your sentence.

   Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?

   Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means that you found the right medication.

   GUY: Babe, let's go to the zoo! GIRL: Sorry but I'm not ready to meet your family.

   Even that crack on the wall becomes more interesting when you're meant to be studying.

   Alcohol was created as a social lubricant, to make men brave and women loose.

   Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

   I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn't even know I was driving.

   "You've changed" No actually I think the proper term is, "I've stopped trying to please you."

   Marijuana is the gateway drug to a very large value meal.

   I was violently beating this guy with a club when I realized, "I can find a better weapon than this stupid poker card"

   Sometimes I wish I was like my calendar, it always has dates.

   Regardless of what they say, Romance is NOT dead. It's just playing dead. Kiss someone's lips to resuscitate it.

   I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity.

   My thoughts of you make me the perfect mixture of happy and horny.

   Dude, she just called you a Mexican... Oh hell no, hold my taco.