Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says "Recalculating".

   I still remember that moment I said I love you too, coz thats the exact moment my life got fuçked up!

   My girl just called to tell me she went into labor. I said, "Hell yeah, its about time you got a job!"

   I always cry after sex. God, I hate prison!

   Rise and shine all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night.

   Trying to talk to a girl without staring at her boobs is like trying to poop without peeing.

   I'm a great musician. I was playing my trumpet at 5am when my neighbor threw a brick through my window. He must've wanted to hear me better.

   Remember when pressing pause on a VCR used to make everyone on the screen have a seizure?

   We're all adults here, you can say "p0rn" instead of "late night commercial"

   The conversation between your fingers and someone else's skin is the most magnificent discussion you can ever have.

   A huge ass spider crawled across my bed and now I can't sleep because the firefighters are here putting out the mattress flames.

   If your bio says “Single and looking for fun” you better be ugly or we'll know you're sp@m. Pretty women don't look for fun… fun finds them.

   You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives here.

   "Be honest with me" means "lie convincingly".

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude you logged into Myspace"

   Good looks are so important when choosing a doctor.

   Dear Women, We're not lying, we're trying to prevent you from killing us. Love, Men

   If someone doesn't stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it's totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.

   Your Body is a Temple, let the Spirits in....preferably in shot form.

   The best things in life are free. The worst things in life will cost you half of everything you own.