Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   By definition, shouldn't the word "unique" have zero synonyms in a thesaurus?

   According to scientists drinking one can of four loko is like drinking 4 beers, 2 red bulls, a small taco, a ghost and a park bench.

   Thank goodness my Internet is working again. I don't have all your mailing addresses.

   I drank my 8 glasses of water today. Well... 90% water anyway, there may have been some barley, hops, and yeast mixed in there for taste

   My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.

   Ok, slow down people. We're starting to evolve in the wrong direction.

   When I die, I want to be buried alive.

   When I read about yet another overnight shooting in the ghetto I can't help but sigh at the senselessness and hope it wasn't my drug dealer.

   Today's level of difficulty is shaping up to be "Wheelie on a unicycle."

   Keeping secrets can kill you. And let's just keep that between us.

   Be patient. The longer you wait for me, the sooner I will arrive.

   I stopped listening somewhere around the third grade.

   I leave notes on people's windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.

   Today's Email: "I moved Bush's new memoir to the crime section at my bookstore".

   It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" as much as it is "When Stupid People Get Bit."

   At the Photography Studio: "First, we'll shoot you, then we'll blow you up, then you can go home and hang yourself."

   Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   I had a McRib today. My toilet just waved a white flag.