Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Don't fool yourself, give others a chance also.

   One man's birthday is another man's free liquor day.

   Companies and money-hungry capitalists are ruining Facebook with their advertising and snooping.

   Apple is coming out with a 60 inch flat screen, and now I have to explain to my son why community college is good enough.

   If you've ever seen a woman masturbate, it's odd they're not better at video games.

   Diamonds are women's best friends. Little shiny rocks are their best friends. This is the kind of crazy men have to deal with.

   My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"

   Keys to a good marriage: 1) Trust 2) Communication 3) Intimacy 4) Blocking each other on Social Networks And 5) Alcohol

   I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”

   If your wife is "rewarding" you with sex when you're good, you really need to work harder at getting her to view sex as her own reward.

   People that believe internet gossip are the same dumbasses that keep the Kardashians famous.

   In a relationship you'll find either your soulmate or your cellmate.

   Do some people just wake up one day and think, "I already have 2 bumper stickers, why not 70?"

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

   North Korea chose the right time to declare war on South Korea. With them releasing "Gangnam Style", no one is going to feel sorry for them.

   GIRLFRIEND: “You're leaving after I gave you the best years of my life?” ME: “If those were your best, then I ain’t sticking around for your worst.”

   Didn't leave home today. It was too peopley out there.

   Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Makes animal noises whenever someone approaches

   If I were a spider, I would spice up my résumé by listing myself as a web developer.