JAB Funny Status Messages

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .

   I just save $329.99 from not buying 30 vials of Restasis for dry eyes by having someone come by my house three times a day and poke me in the eyes...

   Desert is different from Dessert. You can have as many desserts as you want, but you can only stand in one desert at a time, the english laungauge will get you every time. . .

   If you think about it, to come clean is not an option. . .

   Too F#CKED up how much of the population has been dumb down to march for rights you already have ! ! !

   Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Facebook. . .

   Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .

   Taking a bullet for someone is nothing. Take a nuclear warhead to the chest, now that's impressive....

   I can't wait to hear Donald trump say: Obama, you're fired !

   If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year. . .

   Ladies, I'm renting myself out tonight, who needs a New Years Eve Date. . .

   Some celebrities said they were leaving the country if Trump got elected president. I didn't realize they meant die, Kanye West, we're still waiting...

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   To all the horny female teachers out there. There are grown men who will gladly let you sexually abuse them. . .

   To any of my single Lady friends, if your wish to have me naked for Christmas, private message me. Thanks.

   I called a crematory to make an appointment, they told me they don't do live customers...

   I never cared to look for Waldo. . .

   The only reason God gave women legs, is so they don't leave snail trails. . .

   Ladies, unless you really want to bang me, please stop poking me if you're not going to follow through. . .