HaHa Funny Status Messages

   Just got my E-Harmony results. They match me with a computer, a chair, and a bottle of lotion.

   Before I was born, I was given a choice between a big di*k, or a good memory. I don't remember what one I chose.

   I never knew that tanning beds had a pumpkin spice setting.

   Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.

   Dictionary the only place where divorce comes before marriage.

   Bachelor is a guy who will never find out how many faults he has.

   Consciousness is the nightmare before sleep.

   You know you're really not liked at your job, when they relocate and don't tell you where.

   Alcohol doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean..... Against the walls, tables, chairs ect ect

   Wednesday is known as "hump day". But to my dog, everyday is hump day.

   Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner

   I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.

   Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.

   What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.

   How can you fill up a room with people without putting a single person in it? .......

   Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.

   The only good thing about inflation. It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without having to move.

   There's an easy way to convert your sofa into a sofabed...... Forget the wife's birthday.

   There's nothing to FEAR, but the book FEAR itself

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.