Equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   I'd tell you to kiss my @ss but you'd probably fall in love with it and stalk me.

   the center of a doughnut is completly fat free!

   I'm sorry I took your daughters virginity. It won't happen again.

   The only difference between a Rectal Thermometor and an oral one is the taste.

   I tried to keep up with the Kardashians but now it burns when I pee

   Its so awkward meeting new people. Especially when they go in for a handshake and you go in for an open-mouth kiss. Anyway, his name was Jeff... and he's a Seahawks fan

   She said I was crazy but I talked it over with the Coffee pot and the Tea kettle and they both agreed that she didn't know what she was talking about.

   I used to say that no one could be that stupid. Then I met you. I don't say that anymore.

   its not an addiction until you've blown someone for it.

   you're so stupid, there's not a bus short enough for you.

   i dont know what makes you stupid, but it works really well.

   Yes, I have a girlfriend. Oh...wait, No...thats a fridge. I have a Fridge.

   Here is a joke for all of the mind readers out there....

   If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!

   I have mixed drinks about feelings...

   i want to listen to you, but i'm really thinking about snacks.

   Karma means I can sleep at night, knowing that everyone I mistreated today had it coming!

   Our breakup was due to religious differences. She didn't think I was God.

   WARNING!!! Drug use may cause memory loss and....uhm....

   If I die at walmart, PLEASE, drag my body to Cabella's