Destiny Funny Status Messages

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again we're going to have to let you go."

   At this rate, the government should start up a fuel stamp program

   Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old

   A man goes to the Doctors with an hearing problem. Dr. says "Can you describe the symptoms" - "Yea sure, Homer is fat and drinks beer and Marge has blue hair!"

   Don't wear skinny jeans unless you have skinny genes. And two X chromosomes, Thank You

   I lost the bar trivia last night by one point. The last question was "where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is , Fiji......

   you correct my grammar, you better believe I will watch you like a hawk until I repay the favor

   An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten duhh."

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with

   Enrique Iglesias is far too pretty to be swearing in his songs. Its like being flipped off by a unicorn.

   Dilemma: do I the wash dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

   you better get a condom for your heart cause i'm about to f*ck your feelings...

   soo upset that I mixed up my voodoo dolls. If you feel any sharp, stabbing pains, please call me and describe the location. Thanks

   Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

   dear GPS, please add an, "avoid ghetto" option.

   if my start phone was so smart it wouldnt get freaked out and start shaking whenever it got a text message.

   I'd mind my own business if yours wasn't so damn interesting

   God dont need a Dam, he can walk on water.

   My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time" I see "Time to Beat"

   Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas" The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found" Well played, ninjas, well played