Banjaxed Funny Status Messages

   Revenge .....Naaaaa , I'm too lazy , I'm just going to sit here and let Karma Fvck you up

   I just bought a Dyson ball cleaner.......I should read the intructions because I'm pretty sure I'm not usng it properly

   OFF is the general direction in which I would like you to Fuck

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner

   Did you hear about the Nascar driver who turned to boxing....he ran around the ring 300 times then knocked the guy out

   I think the first time I realized I was dyslexic was when I went to a Toga party dressed as a goat

   AMISH DRIVE BY SHOOTING:................."Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Cop....bang bang bang bang bang bang....Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip clop

   Great news for YOU , I found a prostitute that charges by the inch, I obviusly can't afford her but I figured I'd pass it onto you so you could enjoy a cheap night out

   She's been pounded more times than Johnny Bench's catchers mitt

   I may be old but I got to see all the cool bands

   Either you love bacon or you're wrong

   Today a 5 foot tall grashopper spit in my face, I went to my doctor and he did tell me he heard there was a really nasty bug going around

   I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bott

   WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.

   When people ask me if I want to stay on their friends list I just send a short message saying "Don't Taze me Bro"

   I AM THE BOSS OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY G.........hang on gotta go , I think I hear my wife coming

   My Uncle always told me our side of the family had Irish Alzhiemers , That's where you forget everything but the grudge

   My wife decided to take up violin with good intentions but she couldn't decide which chin to rest it on

   Just wrote a new song "I Can't Get Over a Girl Like You So Get Up and Answer The Phone Yourself"