Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Wait,, there's a "pro-anorexia" community? That's a thing?.. Oh,, I bet they have the worst luncheons ever.

   The plain cake donut is always the last one picked.... Come with me poor little plain cake donut,, you can be on my team.

   These tornadoes are awful...I blame the violence in tornado themed video games

   OH MY LORD!! I almost sat down on the toilet without my droid...

   There's a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road, and all I can think,, is that one of you,, is without your protective headgear today.

   A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort,, it is equal to one night.. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.

   King Arthur: "What size and shape should we make the table?"................Sir Mix-a-lot: " I LIKE 'EM ROUND...AND BIG!"

   I someitmes wonder what magical things would've been created had we all put our creativity towards something other than making the internet laugh

   There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those that recognize how diverse people are, and those that think there are only 2 kinds of people

   My bucket list is still half Original Recipe,,, and half Extra Crispy.

   I feel a little better when I remember that Lady Gaga is just as scared of us, as we are of it.

   Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.

   Facebook feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured

   I don't have a pet,, so I adopted this spider, but the stupid thing won't even chase the laser pen,,, It's got 8 eyes so I *know* he sees it.

   I wish I was a gloworm,,, a gloworm's never glum,,, cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum

   First rule of Alzheimer's club:

   I bet all the girls from other planets think the Miss Universe contest is rigged.

   I'm joking about 90% of the time & the other 10% is me being condescending.. Do I need to explain the difference to you?

   Me??? Oh, just replanting these carrots and onions... We're catch-and-release vegetarians.

   I never win at Scrable