SULLY Funny Status Messages

   Thought about hitting the gym today but I called ahead and they said the shake weight is still out of service so screw that.........

   I would have gone to Clooney's fundraiser for Obama, but I spent my last $40,000 on gas.......

   Very excited for tonight's super moon, but I'm not looking forward to hearing the Mexican-werewolves............

   What if we're all being punked, and Tupac was always a hologram?

   I'm not here today. This is a holographic representation of me, have a good day....

   Dear Easter Bunny, no chocolate this year..... just bring me gas!! (not the kind that the boiled eggs give you either)

   I put up all the Christmas lights for Easter.......

   I had a great joke, but Ryan Leaf stole it......

   Depending on whether I win the Mega Millions..... I'll either be having my birthday party this year at the Space Station or the local VFW. Standby

   just had the new Doritos taco........, but I still don't get the ad where they drive 900 miles to buy one. Why not just buy a bag of Doritos and pour yard waste in it?

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   True Fact: The Shamrock Shake at McDonald's taste like leprechaun vomit, and it makes your turd green..........

   Goodnight.......I have to get up early to siphon gas from my Mexican neighbors lawnmower just to get to work tomorrow.

   I ate all my girl scout cookies : ( , roughly the weight of two girl scouts.......

   Girl Scout cookies are a lot like crack. Only instead of a creepy sweatsuit wearing thug taking the cash, it's a cute kid with freckles & braces.........

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a couple weeks away, it's not too late to break up..........

   Captain Coward's excuse that he "fell into a lifeboat" is heading into "the dog ate my homework" territory.....Don'y you think?

   Red Cross called and asked if I could donate to the Huntsville, Alabama floods. I told them that I would, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of my driveway....

   Casey Anthony referred to her computer as "something I can call mine". OMG!! That means she's going to kill her computer next, not the dog.....

   You guys see the Casey Anthony video diary yet? I think she's grown. She looks like the kind of person you could start, and then murder a family with.......