K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   We've been duped. After all the books I've read, I can't believe it took me this long to realize they are all written with just 26 letters rearranged in different order. What a rip-off.

   Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.

   I can rise or shine...take your pick.

   I got to thinking about when Hugh Hefner who is 85 was dating that girl who was 25......That would be like me dating a girl who would not be born for another eight years.

   Has anyone seen MySpace Tom on Facebook?

   Why is it when I go to McDonalds they ask if I want ketchup and they give me one packet for for my large fries. I go to Taco Bell they ask if I want hot sauce and I get sixteen packets for two tacos.

   I'm feeling kind of heavenly today, I just turned water into Kool-Aid.

   The next person that says "It's not the heat, it's the humidity" is going to realize, "It's not my fist, it's the impact".

   I've had such a fantastic day, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

   I'm not one to brag, but I deserve a medal. I just rescued a piece of cake that was trapped in the refrigerator.

   Microwave popcorn...my own personal fireworks noise.

   The time you REALLY wish you had a video camera is when somebody says, "Hold my beer and watch this".

   As I get older my fantasy hasn't changed, I still want two women at the same time, the only difference is......one cooking and one cleaning.

   Okay, technology is getting out of hand for me. I was looking through a pair binochulars this morning and when I finished I looked for the button to turn them off.

   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

   It's all fun and games...unless there's cookies, then it's serious

   I drove by a yard sale today. I know this because they had a child standing out front holding a sign that read "Yard Sale". Apparently they couldn't afford a stick.

   Don't you just hate those people that just stroll across the street like they are so important/cool and have no consideration for anybody else? I'm changing the sound of my horn to gunfire.

   There is now an Anthony Weiner action figure. I wonder if has the Kung-fu grip?

   I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours