levelhead Funny Status Messages

   Saaay, there's that turkey. #bowlwinder

   Hold on Kanye, Imma let you finish, but first, Jay Z and Beyonce have already had the greatest baby of ALL TIME!

   So yesterday at about this time, I was all like, "I'm so thankful for my friends, my life, my freedom." Today...I'd risk prison punching you in the neck for a flat screen.

   THONY DEVITO 07/17/2012 No matter how busy I am, I always manage to make room in my life to get unreasonably angry when an update I'm proud of gets no reaction.

   "Val Kilmer really was the best Batman." ~Nobody, not even Val Kilmer

   Just going through my old FB statuses & deleting the ones no one liked so I don't look lame.

   Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.

   If your neighbors seem like the "nicest, quietest, friendliest" people, they probably have kidnapped humans in their basement zoo.

   I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 17 minutes.

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 Hour Energy Shot...I'm thinking 4 hours and 4 minutes now.