jack Funny Status Messages

   wants a snuggie made out of sham wow material

   How do you save justin bieber from drowning? YOU DON'T

   Don't spend your night watching porn and eating cheese balls

   has the feeling I need to do the housework, gonna sit down with a coffee and wait for the feeling to pass

   WTF It's been 25 something years since Charlie Bucket took over the Chocolate factory,and we are still buying Wonka Bars! I want a damn Bucket Bar! I know wonka picked the wrong kid. Veruca Salt would if had her own bar by know.

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.

   Overheard at grocery: "Paper or plastic, sir?" "Doesn't matter. I'm bisacksual."

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.

   When you open a big bag of cotton balls, is the top one ment to be trown away?

   discovered last weekend that if you play a Justin Biber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Biber

   boobbies make me happy click if you like boobbies, say it boobies

   Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.

   Dear Ladies, If he calls you at 3:00AM…no offense, but you probably weren't first on the list.

   What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box? Not suitable for children. Colors may vary.

   If you think 7 yrs is bad luck for breaking a mirror, try a broken condom!

   You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.

   My coffee is so black, it's running for President