Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?

   The Statue of Liberty is undergoing renovations. She's sure to attract a lot of immigrants with her new D-cups

   I would like to see the original blue prints for the city Starship built on rock and roll.

   I miss Wesley Snipes. That man could act. You really believed for a moment that he was afraid of Michael Jackson in the Bad video.

   You can rely on me. I'm married, I'm trained to follow orders

   Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up.

   I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem and huge boobs

   People on morning radio shows find everything so much funnier than I do.

   Just saw a guy driving a beat up car with a bumper sticker that said "My other car is a Porsche ." Why isn't he driving that other car then?

   A fun thing to do at public restrooms is to wait until someone leaves, click a stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.

   If I ever end up missing, please put my picture on a bottle of whiskey and not a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   Its not a typo if you don't know how to spell the word.

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast

   I think at this point, the Beastie Boys are more concerned about Medicare coverage. Than the right to party

   While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday

   Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves

   Dear Lord, please give me the strength to forgive those who put LOL in their status updates

   Saw a black velvet Kenny Rogers painting today. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.

   Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs

   I'm holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team