SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Dear Curiosity, Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

   Wife: My gynocolagist says I can't have sex for two weeks. Husband: What did your dentist say?

   An omelet made terribly, is, at its worst, very good scrambled eggs.

   I've been trying to throw away this trash can for the past 2 months & the garbage men just keep leaving it on the sidewalk.

   Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.

   "When the hell did I say all that?" -Simon

   During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

   "Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center

   My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

   It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.

   A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.

   I bet in hell you have to sleep in a hot bedroom with a pillow that never has a cool side.

   "Dr. Oz" sounds like the guy you'd buy shrooms from in community college.

   For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist.

   Build a barricade?! Crap, I thought you said build a bear arcade. Those bears are gonna be pissed when I tell them no more Cruis'n USA.

   Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

   Things to do: 1) Dig a hole 2) Name it love 3) Watch people fall in love.

   It's important to let go of your dreams if you want to make room for more brownies.

   I think everything my children have said for the past 48 hours has been in the form of a question. I'm living in Alex Trebek's nightmare.