SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Professional wrestler name: Office Max. Signature move: Three Hole Punch.

   My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he planned on upgrading his computer to Windows 7. Arnold's response: "I still love Vista, Baby."

   We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.

   You're only young once. If you act like an idiot after that, you're gonna need a new excuse.

   It'd be pretty messed up if the cure for cancer was in those end-slices of bread.

   Dont be afraid of change, its inevitable. Unless youre homeless. Then you might have to go around asking for it. By the way, I dont have any.

   Prison is peculiar. All the pros are cons.

   I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."

   Facebook went public, because even they couldn't figure out the Privacy Settings.

   I opened up a bottle of coke and it said, "Sorry, you didn't win". I didn't even know I was playing, yet I was still disappointed.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. My Court date is pending.

   A recent government survey reports that people are more cynical these days than any time in history. Like I'm really supposed to believe that…

   Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another beer.

   "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" is a fancy way of saying "You look hot!"

   Texting + Facebook = Textbook.. so I'm studying right?

   A Prius tried to race me from a stop sign the other day. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.

   Don't call them hobos. Call them "people with earning disabilities."

   My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy...

   Uranus is a gas planet.