JAB Funny Status Messages

   I have an eating disorder. It called not starving to death. . .

   The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .

   A word from our sponsors. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Because it's Thanksgiving and gobble, gobble. . .

   Led Zeppelin doesn't have to be your favorite band. But if they're not one of your top three, we shouldn't be friends. . .

   Don't take life laying down. That is, unless you're a prostitute. . .

   To any American who wants a better life, leave the country, denounce your US citizenship and come back as an illegal immigrant. . .

   What's the shelf life of an Elf on a shelf ?

   If $ex is a pain in the a$$ you're doing it wrong, that's not what that hole is for. . .

   My New Years resolution is to never make New Years resolutions!

   Alcohol and denial are cheaper than therapy. . .

   Am I the only one who gets disappointed pulling up next to a Kia Soul and there isn't a hamster driving it. . .

   The definition of Vegetarian is an Indian word for bad hunter. . .

   I used to be f#cking stupid, but her and I broke up about 10 years ago. . .

   Does anyone know if oral $ex is Gluten free. Asking for a friend. . .

   If there's a woman out there who wants to $exually harass me, let me know.. I will message you my cell # . . .

   The smartest thing I never did, was get married. . .

   The two best days of my life was when I got engaged and the day we broke it off. . .

   Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily ever after. . .

   If we had to pay for internet ink. Facebook wouldn't exist.

   In the news today Amanda Bynes got a haircut. Why is this news, who the f#uck is she and who the f#ck cares. . .