aNGELA Funny Status Messages

   Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips

   says "Dyslexics are teople poo"

   Wanna know why god invented the womens belly button? So you have a place to put your gum on the way down!

   Ladies, pay attention ... sperm is made up of anger, stress, and anxiety ... best way to keep a man happy is to rid them of this negativity ... regularly!!!

   I'm not fat, I'm kidnap proof

   Going to look for the meaning of life, first place I'm gunna check is this bottle of vodka

   just kissed my man, stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breath of fresh air, sipped my coffee, looked up, waved to neighbor, perfect morning! What could go wrong? Crap! forgot to put pants on!

   What's the difference between a bottle and puberty?? .........A bottle has already hit Justin Bieber!!

   If she fu@ks like she complains, you're in for a treat!!

   thinks that time flies when you're having a drunken blackout.

   When someone changes their relationship status to "It's complicated." it always means that they don't know which hand to use...

   ink I am gonna celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I'll invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, have an enormous feast, and then kill them and take their land. Happy Thanksgiving CANADA!!

   Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.

   The Skort, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass

   Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

   has just realized it doesnt matter if the glass is half empty or half full...either way it just means there is still room for more vodka!

   **when I die don't write "R.I.P" on my grave. . write "B.R.B"**

   Laundry, my old nemesis…so we meet again. And I see you have brought your sidekick, Dirty Dishes with you. Well played evil villian, well played.

   The mullet is a helmet for domestic violence.

   am I the only one who gets the urge to kick small children when I see them walking really slowly in front of me?