JAB Funny Status Messages

   I'm going to as many Halloween parties as I can. I'll be in the invisible man. You'll just have to imagine I'm there. . .

   I was just reading, 3 Steps to Repair Your Metabolism. My three steps are. Get a beer, open beer and drink said beer. . .

   Today marks the two year anniversary of the end of the world... and I am still waiting. . .

   The Cosby Show. Where are they now? As far away from Billy Cosby as they can get. . .

   The Colts would of lost using a Nerf football. . .

   If anyone is looking for an unlicensed private plane pilot. Please give me a call, my rates are as low as I can go by state laws. . .

   I'm no weather man, but it's snowing out in Boston. . .

   You know that friend who says they'll be there for you even if it's 1 am. I am that person only because of insomnia. . .

   Talk about keeping up with the Kardashians, Bruce is growing breasts. . .

   To hell with all this snow. I woke up this morning and beat the fugk out of the snow man in my neighbors front yard. . .

   Between Bruce Jenner and the Kardashians, they should all be court ordered to go to driving school.

   Ronda Rousey raped me, ok it wasn't rape, I enjoyed it. . .

   I just seen a chicken cross the road. I'm not even going to question it. It's not like the chicken is going to answer me back. . .

   Hillary has been sending me sexual explicit emails for years. . .

   Happy dry hump Wednesday for you singles out there. . .

   Walk around like a secret agent. Hand cuff yourself to a briefcase and take public transportation. . .

   You seen one solar eclipse, you seen em all. If you want, I can show you a full moon any day of the week though. . .

   Vegitarian is a native American name for Bad hunter. . .

   Everyday I see some stupid comment on a mutual friends page and I am forced to add another name to my block list. . .

   Serta has an icomfort mattress trying to emulate ipad, ipod imac. What's with adding an I that makes a mattress better. It doesn't, icall that a bunch of bull$hit. . .