flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Won't get the test results til next week, but the giant shoes & makeup suggest I may have Clown Syndrome

   Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.

   95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.

   More often than not, my feelings can be summed up with a simple "feh."

   Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it happened during a tragic accident. Regardless, stop staring, it's rude.

   I could probably beat Usain Bolt if we were both trying to get the last ice cream sandwich.

   The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.

   Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?" and whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

   I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.

   I once met a guy who wrecked himself. He was always bummed he hadn't checked himself first. So sad.

   I feel bad that God made you so stupid, but no, I'm not doing extra work to keep you from looking bad.

   Hoping it's gonna be the kind of day when I take a book out a bookcase and it's a lever that revolves into a secret room.

   When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.

   I wonder if that guy that got "mind strangled" on the Death Star ever reported Darth Vader to HR.

   For those of you who don't know me, we haven't met yet.

   Somebody needs to invent an alarm clock that releases the smell of bacon.

   Hurt my back while sleeping last night in case you're wondering how I'd do running a marathon.

   If I ever put stuff in storage I'm going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.

   When the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm going to blast Michael Jackson's "Thriller", while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.

   Fun idea: empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Freaks out snooping house guests.