KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that whenever I wish someone a happy birthday they always assume Facebook reminded me? Do you ever think maybe just maybe I care that much to remember the day you were born.

   I don't love with my heart...I love with my imagination.

   Finally...a woman who can make me smile without taking her clothes off.

   No you are not an independant woman... You are just an adult. Having a car, paying yo bills, paying rent is part of adult life

   So, I'm single again, this time with no intentions of looking for another girl, this time I'm letting her find me.

   Every girl wants to be the one that makes a player quit the game. But sometimes that's like being the zebra that wants to turn a lion into a vegetarian.

   I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.

   ME: "I wasn't that drunk!" MY FRIEND: “Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single.”

   Love is much more interesting when you have a DIRTY mind.

   Having personally eavesdropped hundreds of times, I can confidently confirm that GIRL TALK is much more devious, coniving, detailed, dirty and disgusting than GUY TALK

   Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it.

   If you show up at my house without calling first, you'd better be wearing a uniform and delivering the mail.

   Only when they're in a fix and in need your help do they come to you all sweet and humble. I won't buy that sh*t. Fu*k you and your problems.

   Love means sharing your thoughts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes, your pin codes and passwords.

   60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.

   It's not that I don't trust you, I just have a strong belief in your ability to f*ck up!

   The easy way to teach a woman the true value of money is to borrow it from her.

   Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

   I will be honest with you, when it comes to women, you are part of my "Quantity Over Quality" phase.

   MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.