Heather25 Funny Status Messages

   Mean people suck. Nice people swallow. Great people do BOTH. ;)

   bored of poking, can we have a spank button??

   Have you ever looked at the last few loads of dirty laundry and considered just throwing them away??

   I'm tired of people seeing me and telling me they called me and I didn't pick up. "Yes, I remember ignoring that".

   My husband and I have never considered divorce...murder sometimes, but never divorce.

   Dear Mr. undercover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas. ;)

   I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.

   When the patient was asked if he had had a good night he answered that he'd slept as soundly as the nurse on night duty.

   Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around??

   A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met? Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.

   A commercial traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin."

   A woman woke her husband one night and said, 'There's a burglar in the kitchen eating my home-made steak and kidney pie!' 'Oh dear: said her husband. 'Who shall I call, police or ambulance?'

   Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

   Sometimes while I drink my coffee I stare out the window and ask myself "How many people am I going to cuss out today"

   I wonder if stalking your stalker bothers them?

   The first rule of becoming a ninja is to make loud unnecessary noises when you hit things!!!

   My life would make one really good Soap Opera, or at least four really bad country songs.

   You know the economy is getting bad when the ice cream truck has a sign on it that says we now accept foodstamps, Visa and Mastercard.

   :): The Bipolar smiley face

   I've given up jogging for GOOD! I realized it was hazardous to my health after my thighs rubbed together so much my underwear caught on fire!