doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"

   I've wiped my bottom 47 times already. It's like there's someone back there with a paintbrush trying to p!ss me off.

   Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat, drunk, stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.

   Malaysia Air uses Waze Maps

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia

   I am not down with OPP but I'm definitely down with the sickness

   Ever like someone so much that you just want to chew on their hiney?

   Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat drunk stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.

   What if they're looking for a "ping" but it's really a "pong?" Airplane jokes are really the in thing.

   Maybe that plane doesn't want to be found, have you ever think about that?

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia.

   Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."

   'tipsy' is not in my vocabulary... It's 'drunk' or 'sober'.

   This CNN coverage of a missing plane is the longest episode of Gilligan's Island I've ever watched.

   It's weird how starving people aren't allergic to gluten.

   I've always had this fantasy to make love to two women......... Like, in the same year

   My bed always shows signs of struggle in the morning.

   I hope my death somehow involves a shrimp fork.

   Look, all I'm saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".

   Unless you're Roy bloody Rogers, or a Texas oil tycoon, I don't want to see anyone in a GaDern bolo tie