Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Sorry I unliked your pic. My girlfriend ordered me to do it or I sleep on the couch tonight.

   happy 2 month anniversary to my 29 open browser tabs!

   Pro Tip: If a girl asks you about your plans, there's a good chance she wants to be apart of them.

   I've got 66 problems and one of them is that I'm upside down

   If someone asks what you do for a living and you reply "I'm a lunatic" they won't ask any more questions.

   I asked her to take me somewhere I have never been before and she took me to church. :(

   I've just invented a new word: "plagiarism".

   Girl stop spilling your crazy all over me!

   So you mean to tell me that speed dating doesn't involve methamphetamines?

   The other idiots at the interview didn't stand a chance, I wore 4 ties.

   To catch a bus you have to think like a bus!

   Lawyers do this cute little thing where they say "retainer fee" but they really mean "BJ".

   If the 'D' stands for death, then yes, my Wife REALLY wants my 'D'.

   Fun ways to hurt yourself: 1. Throwing yourself down stairs, 2. Punching yourself in the face, 3. Talking to your ex.

   A restraining order is kinda like a love note right?

   Love yourself, just don’t do it in public. There are laws against that type of behavior.

   ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool.

   Its called KARMA and its pronounced "Ha ha you got served what you deserve"

   Excuse me but my Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open right now.

   Ladies, instead of asking, “Do these jeans make my ass look big?” you should ask, “Does this fat make my jeans look big?”