Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I keep it real like a bad magician.

   I see you over there practicing selective intelligence.

   Of Course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!

   Do what you love, but run like hell as soon as you hear the sirens.

   I'm so hungry I could drink 5 more beers.

   I'm at my best when no one is around.

   I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.

   You can take one hell of a beating from an olive branch.

   Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated.

   I think my yogurt went bad. I just saw it in the parking lot leaning against a Camaro & smoking a cigarette.

   deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio

   Every time I get dressed I make sure I take a second to ask myself, "How will this look stepping out of a time machine?"

   This dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.

   As students return to campus, remember, college is a fountain of knowledge and students are there to drink.

   Listen, calling people names says a lot more about you than it does about them you idiot.

   When Vanna White dies her family will receive a lot of touching letters.

   "Always leave them wanting more" is my standard approach to paying bills.

   The brain has around 100 billion neurons in it. Makes you think

   I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

   If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.