michael Funny Status Messages

   Bravo Taco Bell for your beefesque product. Even if it is only 35% well I say just eat 3 of them ...to get 105%

   Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!

   Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

   Quit while you're ah

   So after watching the hilarious interview I feel closer to Charlie Sheen because have a lot in common. Tiger blood and Adonis DNA..

   A BYU basketball player dismissed for premarital sex. I knew mormons were not supposed to have coffee or tea. I had no idea Tang was off limits

   It's March 4th. I like today's date because it's like I'm telling people what to do.

   I was just reading the bible and it came to my attention that is is the man's job to make the coffee in the morning... HeBrews

   President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.

   offensive and creative like handicap porn…

   Being that we can't see the Bin Ladin Video... can we reroll the Bill an Monica video.

   Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)

   Fox News: A channel solely dedicated to political humor by taking everything that is right with the world, twisting it so it's so wrong that it's funny, then claiming that it's news. The only bad thing about this channel is its lack of a laugh track.

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.

   I'm not certain, exactly, when I became "old". But, I've narrowed it down to sometime between 1988 and last night, when I noticed Song Pop classify "Guns 'n Roses" as "Classic Rock"

   Destroying my chances at getting elected to public office on Facebook post at a time.

   ‎"Nothing tastes as good as how being fit feels", said the person who never had my grandmother's Manicotti.

   Dear Victoria's Secret engineers. Bubble wrap panties..... make it happen.

   Happy Thursday to all my married friends.

   Why are all the women in my office walking funny today?