anonymous Funny Status Messages

   A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Share' button.

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones

   a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup

   went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

   not gaining weight, he's retaining food!

   calculating the square root of tomorrow

   wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!

   stuck in the moment and he can't get out of it...

   guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"

   As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   wondering what they are saying behind my back

   For Sale: 24 pedigree pigeons, call 0161 123 1234 and ask for Tyrone......

   Does anyone find themselves singing hollaback girl anytime they need to spell the word bananas?

   I have to admit, I am a Creationist- I believe God was created by man.

   It's bad enough that my dog picked one of the most congested streets to take a sh*t, but he had to do it in the middle of the sidewalk while people stared. Psh, puppies.

   what? sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me not giving a f***.