pUnKiE Funny Status Messages

   What did the duck say to the prostitute? "Put it on my bill"

   Do you know why rednecks like to "do it" doggy style? So they can both watch NASCAR.

   NOTE TO MYSELF: "The security code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card."

   When someone say's "Let's do lunch", what they mean is "I don't care if I ever see your sorry azz again."

   I think it's about time we, as a sophisticated society, start getting birds to wear diapers.

   When you start complaining that all your dreams have not come true, you have to realize that not all your nightmares came true either.

   thinking about landscaping the back yard with fake Easter grass.

   Just poked about 20 people in about 20 sec's flat... Whew... Blows on finger....

   He was suckled by hyenas and had only cobras for playmates and now he's in hell. Let's pose his bullet-holed head for a round-the-world-see-we-really-did-it photo op and get busy with the real business of America - planning our summer vacations!

   <--still thinks that chick on the Progressive Insurance commercials is HAWT!

   USA & Pakistan's relationship status= It's complicated

   FaceBook account for sale....Friends included!

   You know you were raised Catholic when you're watching Star Wars and hear "the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you."

   I don't accept blame well, but it's not my fault.

   Dear children,stop wondering what I am. I'm a star! You just said it like two seconds ago. Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle

   Call me childish, but I can't help chuckling to myself whenever I see a senior citizen point at something using their middle finger.

   Dear razor companies: 4 blades, seriously? If you really wanna impress me you will invent a shaving hatchet!

   I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

   HEY! Dude at the crosswalk, hitting that button repeatedly doesn't make the light change any faster. STOP DOING THAT!

   New concept: Thinking of writing a book that will be nowhere near as good as the movie.