Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend says I shouldn't plan things so far in advance. Well, she's not my girlfriend yet.

   What a beautiful world it would be if only boobs were the answer to all the world's problems.

   If I say something profoundly insulting and you think it's about you, might be time to reevaluate who you really are.

   Lucky for you there seems to be no shortage of people willing to settle for less than they deserve.

   If I get arrested, I am going to ask for a tweet instead of a phone call.

   If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.

   What I lack in confidence, I make up for in whisky.

   Real Music died in the early 90's.

   Big mouths overcompensate for small minds.

   I wonder how many women refuse to date me because my hair is better than theirs.

   Relax... You'll only be sore for a few days.

   I don't miss anyone from the past... not even me.

   Whenever I hear women whine about wanting men who cuddle, listen, call them sweet names, and help clean around the house, I think there's a name for that. Lesbians.

   My wife's safe word: "Not-tonight-honey"

   Why do actors think we care who the they are going to vote for. Make movies and shut up!

   The first rule of Women's Fight Club is: We will stew about it for days then scream at you about it and never let you forget it, A$$hole.

   When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.

   I don't know why any sensible guy would even want a skinny chick. Clearly they're no good at making sandwiches.

   Baby, if you are reading this. Can you please bring me a beer?

   If you had to run through a Cambodian mine field, or let Lindsay Lohan drive you to the store, which running shoes would you choose?