Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Experts say Donald Trump has suffered the worst week of his political career until next week.

   Trump suggests soldiers suffering from PTSD aren't mentally strong.. But EVERYONE knows the true sign of mental strength, is faking bone spurs to avoid serving in Vietnam.

   Of course Trump hasn't doesn't pay taxes... He knows ALL the good loopholes,, Like, "Mail order brides are tax deductible"

   *shines flashlight under chin... 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras'.... *teenagers scream. Two pass out

   The crappy thing is,,, there are people that will vote for Trump,,, but would punish their kids for just saying the word "Pu$$y".

   Has anyone considered that Trump might be a Galaxy Note 7?

   BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump

   Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.

   Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!

   The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable

   Bar waitress: "ANYONE KNOW CPR?!"... Me: "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"... Then everyone laughed & laughed. Well, except that one guy.

   [Juice Bar]...... (Wildebeest disguised as man): 36 shots of wheat grass.... (Lion disguised as Bartender): Follow me out back "sir"..... *hyenas laugh*

   Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

   Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.

   Walmart Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?... Me: Well, I couldn't find-..... Cashier: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don't actually care.

   When it's late and I can't sleep,,, I curl up with a good book and bang it on my head until I'm unconscious.

   Taco Bell is doing a promotion where if a player steals a base in the World Series,,, everyone in America would get a free Doritos Locos Taco.. Which is a great way for both players and fans to have lots of runs.

   People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.

   I just microwaved a Hot Pocket all the way through on the 1st try,,, So I'm basically a chef at Applebee's now if anyone needs anything.

   One small step for man... One giant leap for Danny DeVito.