Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Here we go... Very good... You're doing a great job of reading this post... Just passed the middle... Nearly there... Wonderful job... All done... And like it!

   "Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.

   Awww.... It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..

   One thing I've learned about myself after all this time on Facebook is that I have no idea how to use a comma.

   Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?

   I'm no architect,,, but I DON'T think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.

   Did you know ?? If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.... Medical fact.

   Note to self: Feed lots of Mayo to the tuna first,,,,,,THEN butcher.

   I eat my peas with honey.. I dun it all my life.. It makes the peas taste funny.. But it keeps them on my knife.

   I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it.

   So I'm in line at Walgreens,,, The lady ahead of me turns around & whispers to me she has diarrhea. Apparently,, I have a "Tell me if you have diarrhea" face..

   Hey Girls,,, When a guy says "I'm listening",, what he means is "I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd be unstoppable".

   You'd think the crescent roll's packages would have a warning like: May blow your hand off if opened correctly.

   Well APPARENTLY,,,, baby powder + water does not make a baby................... Myth,, BUSTED...

   My girlfriend left me after I broke her wheelchair..... Oh,, I think she'll come crawling back soon..

   My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.

   Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?

   So this midget walks into a mini bar........

   Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.

   Ha Ha!! For the past two weeks I've just been giving a bowl of alphabet soup a stir,, and posting whatever floats to the top.