JAB Funny Status Messages

   Desert is different from Dessert. You can have as many desserts as you want, but you can only stand in one desert at a time, the english laungauge will get you every time. . .

   I just save $329.99 from not buying 30 vials of Restasis for dry eyes by having someone come by my house three times a day and poke me in the eyes...

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .

   What's more important. The prick of the roses or the prick giving them. . .

   Ever have one of those nights you were almost involved in a threesome, but one hand fell asleep. . .

   Madonna was offering blowjobs to men for their vote for Hillary. I took the blow job and still voted for Trump. . .

   With all the transgender BS going on. I am worried about claiming to be a man. I'm confused. . .

   Do you know is not for some people smoking Marijuana the murder rate would be a lot higher than it is.. So get high and keep the murder rate low. . .

   I was going to moving to Russia if Hillary won the election. . .

   For now on, should United airlines lose a passengers baggage. That passenger has a right to kick a$$ on one of their employees. . .

   I am all for the death penalty, but I think we should make it interesting and fun. Make it a game and play musical electric chairs. When the music goes off one chair gets a nice charge. . .

   Adrenalin highs are my favorite, it helps me conserve my weed. . .

   College wall posts, Welcome back students. Sex is not allowed in the dorm rooms. The students are like, " Yeah Right "

   My x-Girlfriend's cell phone got more attention than I did. I asked her, how long does it have to vibrate before you get off !

   O.J wants to move to Florida. Florida doesn't want him. He can move in with me, think of all the publicity I'll get. . .

   And in the news today. Keith Richards is not dead yet. . .

   New walking dead movie coming out, featuring Keith Richards. . .

   Some times you have to ask yourself. Is it worth the rug burn. . .

   What people need are Café Mocha Marijuana Latte's. . .