K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I head they found a stash of porn with Bin Laden, guess that would be considered "Weapons of mass-terbation

   After the Rapture, can I have your car?

   I don't care if being apathetic is wrong.

   If you think paper beats rock...Hold a piece of paper up in front of your face and I'll throw a rock at it.

   If you have alzhiemers and get amnesia....Do you forget that can't you remember anything?

   I can hear Wiener's pick-up line....."My bologna has a first name....

   A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.

   I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours

   There is now an Anthony Weiner action figure. I wonder if has the Kung-fu grip?

   Don't you just hate those people that just stroll across the street like they are so important/cool and have no consideration for anybody else? I'm changing the sound of my horn to gunfire.

   I drove by a yard sale today. I know this because they had a child standing out front holding a sign that read "Yard Sale". Apparently they couldn't afford a stick.

   It's all fun and games...unless there's cookies, then it's serious

   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

   Okay, technology is getting out of hand for me. I was looking through a pair binochulars this morning and when I finished I looked for the button to turn them off.

   As I get older my fantasy hasn't changed, I still want two women at the same time, the only difference is......one cooking and one cleaning.

   The time you REALLY wish you had a video camera is when somebody says, "Hold my beer and watch this".

   Microwave popcorn...my own personal fireworks noise.

   I'm not one to brag, but I deserve a medal. I just rescued a piece of cake that was trapped in the refrigerator.

   I've had such a fantastic day, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

   The next person that says "It's not the heat, it's the humidity" is going to realize, "It's not my fist, it's the impact".