Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   if Charles is in Charge of our days and our nights, who's this God guy people are talking about?

   I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.

   I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

   just read the list of movies the library of congress deemed worthy to preserve, Breakin' 2 electric boogaloo was robbed again!

   I called a company and heard "Baby got back" while I was on hold. At first it seemed cool, but do I really want Health insurance from a company that plays Sir Mix-a-lot?

   just once I want my wife to greet me like the dog, jumping on me, licking me all over and wiggling her butt. But if she's only doing it so she can go out to pee. like the dog, I'd be devastated

   I've decided that if I ever go into witness protection my name will be Mr. Dobalina, Mr. Bob Dobalina

   9 out of 10 doctors think that other one is just a hater

   in other countries they riot against brutal dictators, in America we riot when our sports team wins a championship

   nothing makes you feel old like that girl your co-workers are ogling at was born when you graduated HS, and her mom babysat you as a kid!

   just read wikileaks next bombshell is that Captain Crunch was actually only rose to the rank of Ensign

   This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather

   Money talks, and unfortunately mine only can say "goodbye!"

   to all the dead beat dads that messed up their daughters...thanks! Sincerely every guy that likes strippers

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   Did any bad guy in Scooby Doo actually commit a crime? I'm pretty sure wearing a silly mask and scaring people isn't illegal.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."

   if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me

   This world is not going to make any real progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock."

   I want a job naming military operations. It be great to hear a stoic general talk about how "Operation My little pony" was a success