Funny Status Messages

   Now that the well is capped, legal experts say criminal charges are likely to be filed over the Gulf oil spill. This means a BP executive could wind up in jail. Prison can be rough so I've got three words of advice: British. Petroleum. Jelly.

   Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

   Wondering if in the future, robots will have a dance called the human.

   teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool.

   those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight.

   Easy Bake Oven - Teaching women their place for over 50 years

   pole dancin on a numba 2 pencil... IT'S FRIDAY!!!

   I could never stay mad at you" actually means "cross me & I will drop you like an AT&T call."

   if at first you don't succeed, call it version 1

   I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy

   A bread factory burned down over the weekend. No one was injured however the place is toast.

   I can't afford the shakeweight, but I wish there was another activity that I can apply the principles to...

   For Mel Gibson, how does every black joke start? By looking over his shoulder

   Some people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   You're so fake, Barbie is jealous

   Lohan who? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something yr old. Here are a few 20 yr-olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Justus Bartett 27, This week they gave their lives serving out Country

   If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

   95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....

   I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!

   should be able to assist and speed up the Charles Darwin theory of Natural Selection!!!!