Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hi, and welcome to Necrophiliac Club. Now who wants a cold one?
←Rate | 02-23-2015 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
←Rate | 02-24-2015 18:12 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my parents told me to make something of myself, I don't think a mockery is what they had in mind.
←Rate | 02-25-2015 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm not very photogenic" in other words you're ugly.
←Rate | 02-26-2015 14:47 by Anthony Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm like Hank Williams Jr. but instead of all my rowdy friends coming over tonight they are getting married and having children before me
←Rate | 02-27-2015 05:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "So it says here on your resume that you are a 'master debater'?" "Yeah, umm... well... that is a typo"
←Rate | 02-27-2015 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are like Algebra equations. Whatever you do on one side, you have to do to the other.
←Rate | 02-27-2015 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to math, hindsite is 1
←Rate | 02-27-2015 14:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody thought to inject the blood of Benedict Cumberbatch to save Leonard Nimoy? Perhaps this is why I'm not a doctor...
←Rate | 02-27-2015 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beginning of relationship- 1) Don’t ever change. 2) You have to change. 3) You’ve changed. -End of relationship-
←Rate | 02-28-2015 22:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Haha Good one snow.... Good one" *pulls snow aside and whispers* "Seriously dude, knock it off, you're ruining my life"
←Rate | 03-05-2015 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to Adulthood Club.... does anyone remember signing up for this crap?
←Rate | 03-05-2015 10:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My deepest, darkest secret is that I put my pants on two legs at a time. I feel so alone.
←Rate | 03-07-2015 10:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl: I’ll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I’ll be giving her half of my food
←Rate | 03-09-2015 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are only three things in life that are certain: Taxes, Death, and people's belief that anyone cares about the weather where they live.
←Rate | 03-11-2015 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BOSS: I'm going to need you to get your creative juices flowing. ME: Okay, but I'm going to need to watch some porn first.
←Rate | 03-12-2015 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How a teenage boy sees food: If there's a lot of something, he won't touch it. If the quantity is limited, he'll eat all of it.
←Rate | 03-12-2015 11:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton was reported as saying, "Ok, but I used Google voice so it was just oral text and that doesn't count"...
←Rate | 03-12-2015 13:33 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How does a cricket know when his joke bombed?
←Rate | 03-19-2015 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the opposite of carpe, because that's what I'll be doing to the day.
←Rate | 03-20-2015 08:36 Comments (0)  




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