Haha Funny Status Messages

   Take the hint people...... Earbuds are a do not disturb sign.

   Consciousness is the nightmare before sleep.

   A study says we only use 12% of our brain. Just think how intelligent we would be if we used the other 70%.

   Bachelor is a guy who will never find out how many faults he has.

   D: What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea ? P: I don't know. D: I never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

   Did you know that 6 out of the 7 dwarves were not happy?

   Halloween is like any other day. People pretending to be someone their not.

   You know you're really not liked at your job, when they relocate and don't tell you where.

   I'm not immauture....... I just know how to have fun.

   If you ordered the worlds largest box from Amazon what would they ship it in?

   Dictionary the only place where divorce comes before marriage.

   The lack of hair is the main cause of baldness.

   I never knew that tanning beds had a pumpkin spice setting.

   Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?..... Because neither one of them had a mother in-law.

   It takes raw talent to make sushi.

   What are children born in a brothel called? Brothel sprouts.

   Every time I feel like saying something I shouldn't . I ask my self, what would the president do? Then I go head and say it.

   A fifth of Jack will make any girl look sexy.

   It's funny, when my wife gives me the silent treatment. She actually thinks it's a punishment.

   Why is it that Tampax advertisements always shows women ice skating, dancing or playing tennis. The only activity my wife partakes in at that time of the month is biting my head off.